Woody’s Special Prize

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Manchester United’s transfer policy has been likened to an episode of Bullseye

Author: Bricki

Follow Bricki on Twitter – @Bricki‎

Digital television channels are not just the home of Alan Partridge’s war based game show ‘Skirmish’ on UK Conquest but it also offers a delight of old television game shows (they have to fill the air time somehow) One of the ‘great’ shows that seems to be on endless repeat is the 80’s darts based game show ‘Bullseye’. For the young or anyone who had better things to do, the premise behind the show was a ‘professional’ and ‘amateur’ darts player competing to win prizes. These prizes were top of the range and included things such as speedboats, microwaves and video cassette recorders.

What relevance does this have to United I hear you ask?

Read on

This summer it seems the United management team are trying to bring the Bullseye format back to the mainstream.

The contestants in our own personal game are David Moyes and newcomer Mr Ed Woodward. Ed is looking to win the lot and take home the biggest prizes for his partner David. They have safely navigated the opening rounds and are now into the second round of the game. In this part of the game the prizes they play for are determined by a throw of the dart and the area it lands in…

INNNNNN ONE – It’s the exciting Spaniard Cesc Fabregas

INNNNNN TWO – He’s no Pole dancer but he’s got fast feet, Robert Lewandowski

INNNNNN THREE – A throwback to the Britpop era, Leighton Baines

INNNNNN FOUR – His dad’s a Brazilian… it’s Thiago Alcantra

INNNNNN FIVE – He needs a haircut, it’s Fellaini

and WOODYS SPECIAL PRIZE! If all else fails the returns of Anderson and Fletcher will be like new signings.

Ed and David are going for number 4 first… oooo so close but that’s number 3 and a bid for Leighton Baines. You were close boys but just missed out on that one. They decided to have a go at hitting number 1, after three throws of the darts it was again another missed opportunity. Things are starting to look a little desperate now lads, what are you going to do?

“Well we only have a few darts left and it’s vital we get something so we are going all out for number 5 and Fellaini”

Many think being able to hit the number 5 would have been a success but after missing every other throw it appears this prize wouldn’t satisfy the people back at the Old Trafford Arms. The first throw is close but not quite on the money, a few attempts earlier and the shot might have been easier to make. With every throw it’s getting harder and it looks more and more likely the boys for the Old Trafford Arms are going to go home empty handed. The last throw is made and again it just misses the mark.

The team are dejected and as Jim Bowen shows David and Ed what they could have won the colour drains from their faces. As Fabregas, Thiago and Fellaini are all taken away there is a surprise yet to come. For being such good contestants Jim is going to give the pair the special prize anyway. The boys are delighted and think this will definitely satisfy everyone back in Manchester…

Jim can’t resist though showing the pair what the star prize would have been and as the curtains pull back to reveal the Premiership, it dawns on the pair just how wrong their game plan appears to have been.

This isn’t a guaranteed result for the boys from the Old Trafford Arms but the longer they take aiming those darts, the smaller the targets become.

If you are not used to be aiming at such targets Mr Woodward i would advise it may be best to aim early. The targets can only get smaller and harder to hit.

Follow Bricki on Twitter – @Bricki‎

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5 Responses to “Woody’s Special Prize”

  1. GVMUFC says:

    Don’t give up the day job Bricki. What a tenuous link. I suspect you were bored watching tv and pondered how woody sounded like bully and thought you would shape an article around bullseye. It didn’t work.

    In terms of United’s transfer targets, Lewandowski hasn’t been on the radar for a while and it seems that Thiago wasn’t really a target (as the player confirmed himself). I still think we can/will get Baines and Fellaini. But I think Moyes wanted to look beyond his former club for his first signing to show he could attract big names and I believe they were encouraged to try for Fabregas by his agent etc. No harm in trying. There is still a few weeks of the transfer window to go so let’s wait and see. But I would rather we didn’t panic and spend money needlessly on players who will not improve the team. And when I say team, I mean the first team, not the squad as I think our squad is excellent. We’ll be pushing for the title even if we don’t bring in new faces. And winning a few trophies will ensure Moyes can attract the big names in future.

    To improve in Europe we need to bring in top class players. If that isn’t possible then we need to concentrate on young promising players and developing them into world class players. This will take time but we should be willing to be patient, given how lucky we have been as supporters in terms of enjoying success over the past couple of decades. A ball hasn’t even been kicked yet in the league and already people are on Moyes’s back. It’s ridiculous.

    Now more than ever is the time to get behind the players, the team, the management, the club and to keep the Red flag flying high.

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  2. jimmymac62 says:

    Very good, that raised a smile or two. You could just as well blame Fergie and the Glazers for any percieved failure though. For United under the Glazers read Arsenal under er…whoever their board are..ahem….When was the last time United paid top dollar for world class quality before RVP? I recommend this article.

    http://mobile.dudamobile.com/site/thinkfootball?url=http%3A%2F%2Fthinkfootball.co.uk%2Farchives%2F4139&dm_redirected=true#2780

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  3. minimal says:

    @jimmy exactly – ferguson and glazers were responsible for terrible transfer policy during glazers “era” – and its because massive payments for debt and another thing – chief scout fergies brother was propably the laziest scout in the world (and worst as well), besides fergies arrogance cost united dear – paul pogba its exactly what we need now , but no fuckin fergie managed to fuck it up over few pennies – pathetic. i just hope we won’t fuck it up now with fellaini because this haggling it doesnt look good – arsenal can snatch him.

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  4. Bricki says:

    Thanks for the comments – wanted to try and offer a slightly left field take on the transfer situation and our approach this summer.

    i am all for getting behind the team but if you are happy with how are transfers have been handled this summer then i worry for you. We have shown a lack of understanding that has resulted in every other team bar ourselves strengthening. Whilst i am not being critical of Moyes, i do think its important we look at Woodward’s role in all this as the fact we have not recruited one player that Moyes has requested is scandalous.

    Also we were well and truly in for Thiago and even his father has confirmed they held discussions with the club. The comments you are referring to seem to stem from Thiago looking to please Bayern fans by claiming they were the only club he considered. Standard player response to get the supporters behind him.

    like i said thanks for the feedback, its nice to try a different angle of stories sometimes.

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  5. eric the king says:

    Won’t argue too much about any of your points.
    A light hearted look on what has been an incredibly frustrating summer.
    Suppose at least we’ve not been fed the “no value in the market” line (yet)

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