Paul Scholes, debut goals & Full Kit W*nkers: United Shorts

United shorts
Paul Scholes, debut goals and full kit w*ankers all discussed within United shorts this week.

Welcome to the latest edition of United shorts, a blog post that accumulates a number of ‘short’ United related stories or, things that we find amusing/interesting that relates to the bizarre world of football. From facts and info to the stupid to the funny, hopefully we’ll give you five minutes of entertainment from your boring job.

Paul Scholes hits 700 appearances

Its crazy to think how under appreciated Scholes was for England over the years, a stark contrast to Manchester. United’s original number 18 hit 700 appearances against Wigan Athletic in the 4-0 victory a couple of weekends ago. Ludicrous to think such a talent could retire when he still has so much to offer. Many Reds believe one of Fergie’s failings over the years is not recruiting a quality central midfielder. Value in the market? Debt spiralling out of the control?

Whatever the real reason United have not signed a central midfielder – you have to ask yourself, how do you replace someone like Paul Scholes? His vision is immense, his arrival in the box, although limited nowadays, reminiscent of Bryan Robson and his range of goals. From headers, to volleys to one one ones – Scholes has the lot, except for timing a tackle that is.

As of 27th September 2012, Scholes statistics look like this (this is in all competitions):

Most appearances versus (all comps)

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Paul Scholes appearances breakdown

Most appearances goals

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Paul Scholes goals

Poor old Newcastle have been on the receiving end a few times over the years. Who could forget that superb hattrick on the way to the 2003 title? Made his most appearance against the ‘bigger teams’, showing how much Ferguson puts faith in him to handle the pressure and deliver at the highest level. Absolute legend.

Debut goals

Alexander Buttner and Nick Powell scored on their debut against Wigan recently. Both were signed during the summer transfer window and no doubt will be very useful additions to the playing squad this season. Turns out, the last five players to score on their debuts were:

– Javier Hernandez versus Chelsea 2010/11
– Federico Macheda versus Aston Villa 2008/09
– Henrik Larsson versus Aston Villa 2006/07
– Kieran Lee versus Crewe Alexandra 2006/07
– Wayne Rooney versus Fenerbahce 2004/05

We’re desperately trying to workout whether or not the Wigan game is the only game that had two Manchester United debut goals? Come on, we know someone knows! Drop a comment in below.


To be honest, if I bet on something – you might as well do the exact opposite as to what I’ve predicted. My Euro 2012 betting balance reads a handsome -£50, having not won a single bet over the month of June. Its continued into the Premier League season as well, with my Everton 0-2 Manchester United bet really helping the side out.

So I do need all the help I can get. I came across Betegy a few weeks back, which I thought could help me in my quest to stop handing money over to Paddy Power. Its actually a really nice looking website, user friendly and covers a vast amount of leagues, so when I do my ridiculous 16 match accumulator that will pocket me a hefty £1250 (one day) it comes in very handy. You might even say its a good omen, check out what they had for the weekend just gone:

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Betegy Liverpool United prediction

Full kit wankers

We’ve all dreamt of being footballers at one point in our life. Although sad to say that gone are the days of emulating Eric Cantona’s head shaking celebration with Lee Sharpe at Maine Road or Roy Keane’s gallop followed by knee slides on his home debut against Sheffield United – I accept, I’m not going to be a footballer. I’m now in that dreaded 30 decade, where you are told you have to take responsibility and naff stuff like that. But one thing, I will not do – is wear a football shirt when I’m not playing football.

Sadly, there are many men over the age of 20 (yes, that should be the cut off), that consider walking down the road to pick up their fish and chips in a 1997 Barcelona B top as perfectly acceptable. Well, you’re wrong and now there is a place where you could be named and shamed – Full Kit Wankers.

There are a number of egotistical clowns on Twitter that would no doubt be tuning in their ham radio thirty years ago, trying to reinvent themselves that way, but I must say – some of the pictures these guys post are quite brilliant. From grown men posing like 14 year old girls before they upload their new picture to Facebook to middle aged men posing sensibly for the camera, whilst wearing knee high socks and no shin pads. It should be illegal. If you’re on Twitter, I definitely recommend them to follow – very entertaining indeed.

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